Compelled

I am compelled to finish a story I started over three years ago. A story that began as a short play, which then turned into a performance, then a short story. And now, it's a continuation of stories that all center around a common topic: grief.

A young woman is unable to grieve for her dying father and will use any means necessary to avoid it. Even after her father dies and her family falls apart, she is committed to her silent heart. But how long can a heart survive without beating?

This could be a novella. Or maybe just a really long story. I don't know. All I know is I have to finish it. Scenes come to me at random moments and I write them. Every thing is in pieces now but I kind of like it that way. It's more real. Cause when you look back on life, you rarely see things linear. You see them in bits and pieces. Maybe I'll call the story "Fragments of the Silent Girl who Longed to go to Pluto."

book reviews and writing updates

So ever since Nano ended I've maybe written 3,000 words in my novel. I'm a tiny bit disappointed in myself, but I've accomplished a lot elsewhere. For example, grad school applications are done. I'm in the process of submitting my short stories to contests. I'm making edits to my play. And...I'm reading tons!

Recent books read and reviews:

Catching Fire - 8/10
Overall, I was happy with the sequel to The Hunger Games but I felt like it had a slow beginning.

Mockingjay- 7/10
I would have given this a 10/10 if the ending had been re-worked. I felt it was too rushed and I didn't particularly understand the choices of a few characters.

The Girl Who Played with Fire- 9/10
LOVED IT! Lisbeth Salendar is by far my favorite heroine because she is incredibly flawed yet determined and strong. I'm so tired of reading about whiny girls who freak out over dumb stuff. Lisbeth would tell those kind of girls to grow the F up!

I am about to start SPEAK by Laurie Halse Anderson. I saw the movie a few years ago and really enjoyed it, so I'm hoping the book is just as good, if not better.

Writing wise, I plan to finish the first draft of my Nano novel by the New Year and spend January preparing another novel for the Amazon Breakthrough Award. I also hope to squeeze in sometime to edit a novel I wrote over the summer and basically have ignored for several months.

I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday(s)! Ho ho ho

All I Want for Xmas is....

...well, a lot ;-)

In terms of writing, I'd like to finish the novel I worked on during Nano month. It's YA. I probably only have 10-15K left, but I'm already thinking about future projects and past projects that still need to be edited. I have applied for grad schools, yay! And I have had another succesful playreading. All around, I feel pretty darn accomplished in terms of my writing.

So goals for December:
1- Finish Nano novel
2- Edit novels that need to be edited
3- Submit Seaweeds to publishers since agents don't seem to be interested
4- Prepare for amazon novel competition
5- Try not to gain weight by eating cookies

Nano over...what comes next?

Ah, so I reached 50K last night but my internet was not working so I couldn't post until today. Though 50K is an exceptional number of words, I feel like I could have done better considering my past word counts. Over the summer I wrote a 96K book in a month. Then again, over the summer I had more free time and less priorities.

I'm putting the novel on hold this week, even though I only have 15k left (approximately). Grad school applications aren't due for a month, but my goal is to submit by the end of this week so I can relax over the holidays. So every night this week I'll be re-reading my stories and editing/revising my statement of purpose. I'm super nervous to submit. I want to feel like I've submitted my best work and feel confident that 1 of these 4 schools will appreciate what I have to offer and accept me. After being rejected from 8 schools last year, I know I have to step it up a notch. I have to prove myself a writer. I know I have the dedication and talent to pursue a career in writing. I just have to prove it to a group of professors.

The statement of purpose is killing me. My goals are clear, it's just my beginning that is so mundane. Right now I have a few sentences about how I learned to read by typing storybooks into the computer. I feel like it's so cliche. I'm considering this instead:

If I did not write, I'd never shut-up because I have so much to say.

Statements are tricky. You want yours to stand out without being unprofessional.

But besides Grad school...my playreading is next week! Yay. I hope for good feedback. And I'm reading Catching Fire (sequel to Hunger Games). Love it so far, but I've heard it's not as thrilling as Hunger Games.

And that concludes my latest blog posting. December, here I come! Ho ho ho!

Nano

I'm about to hit 25K....I heart nano month! And this'll probably be my last post until December 1st, so good luck to everyone doing nano! Keep going. You're almost half way there. :-)

A piece of advice...

If someone tells you after hearing a brief synopsis of your book: "Oh, your book sounds a lot like ________" just ignore them. Because if you think about it for too long, any creative idea you sprout you'll panic thinking you're copying someone else. Originality isn't solely about coming up with a completely new idea. Originality can also be achieved by taking an old idea and making something new out of it. For example, Twilight (though I'm not a huge fan of series but I admire its market) took vampires and made them sparkle in the sun rather than burn. That's original. Vampires are not. But what you can do with them is.

Especially for Young Adult and Middle School levels, you have to consider that many kids like to read books that will remind them of other books they like. How many times have you seen on a book cover or review: "Fans of Harry Potter will love this book!" or "If you loved Edward Cullen, you'll love Bobby Dumble even more!"

So don't write with the idea that you need to be completely original, otherwise you might end writing something that nobody understands or can relate to. At the same time, don't base what you write on what's hot either cause vampires might be dead in three years, no pun intended ;-) Write what you WANT to write. And your end product will be better. And if it is similiar to another book, there are always ways to tweak a book to make it stand out. PS, the person critiquing your book should read it first before saying whether it's too much like another book.

The reason I'm writing all this is because I am in love with my new project and while the idea of a bullied kid going off on the adventure of his life has been done before, it hasn't been done by N. Blank who has her own way with words and her own ideas of what a real adventure is.

Nano word count: 4,361 words
Goal for today: 6,000+ words
Goal for the week: 12,000+ words

Happy Halloween!

I've always wanted to write a horror. But I think many writers would agree that horror is the hardest genre to write. You have to scare your audience with words. You have to make them feel uneasy before going to bed. You have to make them feel cautious when they go for a late night jog because who knows if Jerry the Smelly Killer is around. (Not that I would ever name a fictional killer that).

I have this idea for a YA zombie-love novel. If I planned it (and I HATE planning) I think it could be good. But it could also turn out to be the cheesiest, silliest, most unbelievable piece of catnip on the planet. I don't think I'm ready to write it. I think I need to read a few horrors and actually plan it out.

So, what shall I write then? Nano month begins tomorrow. I have finished and submitted the long but rewarding edits to my play. My shorts stories for grad school are looking pretty good but I'd like more feedback from people so that means I need to find more darling souls to read them. My novels that I was editing, I've decided to take a break from and shall return to after the new year.

November is dedicated to grad school applications, my short stories, and a new novel...my first middle school novel! I'm excited for three reasons: 1- It's only going to be 40K (half the length of what I usually write) 2- It's going to involve clouds, rainbow kites, and an evil woman named The Blank (hahaha, she's gonna look just like me) and 3- My students are so excited for me to write it so I can read it to them.

Wish me luck! And good luck to everyone doing Nano! Keep writing! Keep posting your word counts! Don't give up! And don't think that you should wait until Thanksgiving to throw out those last 25,000 words. Get as much done as much before that!

Ciao!

Audience

This is an important question that should be answered BEFORE you write a novel:

Who is my intended audience?

If you don't know, or you aren't sure, I suggest you figure it out or at least have some idea before you write the novel. For example, if you think high school kids will want to read your book, don't be writing explicit sex scenes that will make parents go beserk. But what if your book could crossover to the adult section because of mature (not steamy sex) themes? Like love? And finding yourself? Dealing with college and trying to find a real job for the first time. What if the characters are 18, 19, 20? 23? They're adults. Technically. Mentally? Haha.

This is my biggest problem right now and one of the reasons I'm having trouble getting an agent. I like to write novels about young adults. But in my opinion, a young adult is between the ages of 17 and 24. A young adult reader is between the ages of 12 and 18. Though, that has changed since I see people my mom's age reading Twilight in the hair salon.

But anyway, going back to writing about young adults. On average my main characters are between the ages of 17 and 23. Their first person narratives come across as YA because let's face it, who is SUPER mature at 20 these days? I feel like agents and publishers find any character above the age of 19 to be an adult and therefore must act and think like an adult. I'm 24 and I still consider myself a kid at heart. I'm not married or having babies yet. I still enjoy the college life. I haven't grown up. (Don't get me wrong, I pay my bills on time and make my own lunch) And I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

So this becomes a problem because I have to decide on a specific audience. I can't just say everybody on the planet will love my book! Though I hope they do, I'm nowhere near being like Dan Brown.

Let's use my recent novel as an example. The main character is 23 and he's immature. I think young adult readers (ages 15+) would love him. I also think college kids would love him. I also think adults in their 2os would love him. So basically people between the ages of 15 and 25 should read my book. There are sex scenes, but they're humorous and awkward. But there isn't a category for my book! You go to borders, there's the young adult section and the adult section. Some books are clearly young adult. Some are clearly adult. But there needs to be an in between section.

And...a way to convey that idea to an agent when you're querying them. I want to be able to say my book could crossover to the young adult section. Should I just say that? Or will they be turned off by the idea because there isn't yet a marketable category?

Or...I could just make my character 18 and then his immaturity would be believable to all ages, teens and publishers alike. But I like that he's 23 and still so confused and unsure of where his life is going. Because everyday I wonder that same exact thing. And I'm 24.

Ciao.

Birthday, Editing, and Nano Month

I turned 24 yesterday! Whoa! I have officially entered my mid-twenties. Back in college, I always fantasized I'd be published by 24. Well, the best plans never go according to plan. ;-)

So the reason I've failed to update my blog...editing has taken over my life. I have self-deadlines for certain things and then I have a few real deadlines. Grad school applications are due soon and my short stories have to be polished. Is it possible to over-edit? Haha. And edits are due in a week to the theater company producing my play. It's a 100 page script and I'm on page 75. Yikes. I will spend the majority of my free time this week editing the rest and polishing as much as possible before that Nov 1st deadline.

So real deadlines: play and short stories.

Self-deadlines: I wanted to be totally caught up with editing other projects by November so I could do Nano Month. I have a great idea for my first middle school novel and since Nano is a minimum 50K, my novel could be completed in that time frame. I didn't do Nano last year because I was super busy studying for the those evil GREs. This year I will do Nano. I must! And then I'll use December to catch up in editing.

And this much-needed-update is complete. Ciao!

Was Was Was Was Was

I love being able to "find" and "replace" words in a Microsoft Word document. Today I searched the overused word "was" and man oh man, it was everywhere!

It's impossible not to use the word "was" when writing. But when it's overused it makes for passive writing. And no one wants to read a passive story, right?

Sometimes you have to come up with something more active.
"Everyone at the table was staring at my face, including snobby Caroline."
to
"Everyone at the table stared at my face, including snobby Caroline."

Sometimes it's easy just to eliminate it.
"Her hair was in ringlets and her eyes were decorated in dark layers of eyeliner and mascara."
to
"Her hair in ringlets and her eyes decorated in dark layers of eyeliner and mascara."

I don't typically stress over this, but it's something to think about when you're on maybe your 2nd or 3rd draft. ;-)

Word Chopping

I am chopping unnecessary words and throwing them into the garbage disposal.

I am finding substitutes for the words/phrases: "look" "turned" "stood up" "sit down" "sighed"

I am my own worst editor.

The Present Tense Voice

Most books are written in past tense. But lately I've been reading more and more in the present tense. THE HUNGER GAMES is a prime example and it's probably my favorite YA novel to date. The present tense voice gives a sense of urgency, as if it's happening right now. I feel like I'm living with the character, experiencing first time emotions right along with her. I love it.

I've experienced with the present tense voice before. My first novel was in 1st person alternating between the two main characters. One spoke in past tense (because she's immortal and reflecting on her extended life) and one spoke the present tense (because he's mortal and everything is happening now for him). I think it worked, it presented great contrast. But I've never written a whole novel in present tense. I'm curious to experiment with this.

I wrote a short story in present tense. It's also in third person. Here is the opening paragraph:

She gazes through her black and white telescope and sees what she wants to see. A gush of wind blows dark hair over her forehead, blocking her view of the starry winter night. She brushes the strands back with her fingers, careful not to touch the scope. She has it positioned and zoomed exactly the way she wants it.

Now which sounds better? Past or present?

She gazed through her black and white telescope and saw what she wanted to see. A gush of wind blew dark hair over her forehead, blocking her view of the starry winter night. She brushed the strands back with her fingers, careful not to touch the scope. She had it positioned and zoomed exactly the way she wanted it.

Of course I'm gonna say present tense because I wrote it that way. But what if this were an entire novel? I feel like present tense 1st person works. But can present tense 3rd hold up? And then I worry that some agents will look down on the present tense voice just like many look down at 1st person narratives. I think choosing the correct voice for your novel is crucial to how it reads. I don't think THE HUNGER GAMES would have been as page-turning had it been written in past tense.

Short Stories and Grad School

I'm applying for grad schools. MFA in Creative Writing! I want I want I want!

Last year I submitted 3 chapters from a novel. I don't think that was the way to go since I got rejected from all the schools I applied to. So this year I'm submitting 2-3 short stories. I've narrowed it down to 5. And I've let a lot of people read them and everyone is giving me different advice about which two are the best. So, just based on a one sentence blurb about each one, which 2 or 3 would you pick?

Short Story #1- During a blizzard, a young woman reunites with her ex-boyfriend and discovers how he really died.

Short Story #2- A teenage girl digs a hole in the backyard and her cute, next door neighbor suspects she's burying a body.

Short Story #3- A young woman with a cutting problem, reunites with her deceased brother everytime she cuts too deep.

Short Story #4- Two sisters, one dying of leukemia, enjoy the rush of a passing train, but the rush is less and less impressive the sicker the one sister becomes.

Short Story #5- A young woman tries to convince her star-gazing sister to come to the hospital to say good-bye to their dying father.

I will.

Hiding

Good writers write what they know. Or at least do a damn good job pretending they do. You can associate related memories, feelings you've had to enhance the truthfulness of the scene. Personal experience.

Lately, people who have been reading my novels and short stories have been asking the same question afterward: Is this based on personal experience? And I think to myself, why are they asking? Am I putting too much of myself into my characters? And if so, is that harming my writing? Or making it better?

I will say that all my leading characters have somethings in common with one another and with me:

1- We want love but we're terrified of it.
2- We're geeks. We love comic books, video games, and superheroes.
3- We're daydreamers.
4- We often feel lonely, even when we're around other people, but excel at hiding our loneliness.
5- At the end of the day, we pray things will get better. And we feel less insignificant knowing that others are in the same boat as we are.

I'm in an over-analyzing mood. And it's been a tough week. I'm worried I'm slipping away from reality by putting all my personal problems into these fictional characters. I know to be a good writer, you gotta basically shed your skin and expose yourself truthfully just like an actor. But when you step away from the computer, away from the fictional world, what's left? And when you are truly all alone, without the comfort of your leading guy to save the day, do you feel good? Or do you feel sort of fake? Hiding behind a mask. Not wanting to face the truth that you've chosen to express yourself to a fictional character rather than a real person.

Honestly, I would like to talk more to people. Not just about my feelings, but about people, about the world. But everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives, hiding behind their own masks (cell phones, facebook, twitter...) that they are doing the same thing that I'm doing. Hiding. Faking the smile. Not interacting with one another. Friendships dying because people don't call each other anymore. They just text and text and text. And it never feels as good as a phone call or hell, seeing the person face to face. It doesn't. Just like when you read a good book. That great feeling you get afterward doesn't last forever. You need to experience good things for yourself. True love. Great friendship. Exciting adventures.

So with this somewhat long entry, I encourage everyone to write their own story and live it fully. Don't worry about how it's going to end. If you start with a bang, and keep it going, the ending will come out just the way it's supposed to. Or maybe it'll be something else. A whole new genre just waiting to unravel like a rolling red carpet.

The nevending editing process

I can't write anything new right now. Do I want to? Well, yes, of course I do. I have like 5 books in synopsis form dying to be turned into a 80K works of genius, but they're gonna have to stay in synopsis form for a couple more months.

I am editing two novels and several short stories right now. The one I wrote a year ago is roughly 25 chapters. Guess how many I've edited in the 2 last weeks? ONLY 3! Why? Because I keep going back and re-reading and asking myself that super important question: "Is this helping to move the plot forward or is it just an attempt to make it lengthy?" Then I look closely at sentences, those long adjective/adverb ones and ask: "Can I shorten this sentence and still keep the meaning?" This process is neverending. At the rate I'm going I won't be done editing this book until the New Year!

Then there's my recently finished novel I'm doing hand-edits to. And wowowee. Plot wise, it's good but not great. Characters are nice. But the writing itself is so so-so. I feel like I'm reading something I wrote in high school. And in the back of my head I'm thinking, this sucks because I wrote it in 1st person and it truly would do better in 3rd. SO, eventually I'm gonna have to change a 96K book to third person. Which will again take me months and months to do.

So, no new writing projects for me for a longgggggggggg time. I have editing to do! And editing can be fun. Just LONG!

Plays into Stories

So, I've been debating what to submit for grad school applications this year. I have three short stories. I just wrote two more. And looking at the five, there's only one that I think is worthy, story-wise and quality-wise. So, what the hell do I do? Write a new story? Gosh, but writing non-genre fiction is so tough!

Then I made the realization that I have about 6 ten-minute plays that are pure realism that would work perfectly as short stories! So these next few weeks I'll be experimenting with that. I must say, it's interesting going from a script to a story. You have to fill in what the actors would be thinking, what they see/feel, but with this one particular story it works fine with it 80% dialogue.
:-)

Get your weed whacker out and chop those words!

I probably shouldn't write a critique or recommend a book before I finish reading it, but in this case I must. The book is called "GETTING THE WORDS RIGHT" by Theodore A. Rees Cheney. The first chapter talks about reducing. Cutting whole chapters, paragraphs, even characters from your novel. If something doesn't push the plot ahead, it isn't needed. You may think your passage about so and so's great uncle bill is so poetic and pretty, but if you can delete it and the plot isn't affected, then go ahead and delete it.

Words are my biggest enemy when it comes to writing. I like to use a lot of them. And most of the time, I don't need that many words to get my point across. I often write "wordier" when I'm in 1st person, especially when writing through the eyes of a teenager. Here's a sentence from my YA novel that's too wordy:

Panting like an asthma patient, I turned on my bed light and touched my body to make certain it was still there and not covered in blood.

This sentence goes on forever! Let's make it better, shall we? By chopping it down!

Panting, I turned on my bed light and touched my body. I was still in one piece; there wasn't any blood.

Hmmm, much better, don't you think? 27 words to 21 words. Not a huge cut, but doesn't it flow better? I don't have to say "like an asthma patient" because when you pant, you can't breathe right, so why include the asthma thing? I also don't need "to make certain."

Here's another one:

In fact, combined with my blue comforter and brown dresser and nightstand, it looked very earthy.

TO...

Combined with the blue comforter, brown dresser and nightstand, it was earthy.

And here's a really wordy one!

Smiling like a bubbly cupid-struck heroine, I returned to my table of anxious friends where I was overwhelmed by a million questions all at once.

TO...

Cupid-struck, I returned to my friends where I was overwhelmed in questions.
OR
Cupid-struck, I returned to my friends anxious to overwhelm me with questions.

See where I'm going with this? It helps to go through your writing and highlight all the long, wordy sentences. Then copy and paste them to a blank word document and look at them out of context. It helps so much!

Now, I know what some people maybe thinking. I just completed my first draft and it's 80,000 words. Now I have to go through it and chop out a bunch of stuff? The answer is: yes!

The novel I'm currently revising was originally 82K. A perfectly acceptable length for a YA novel. Now it's 73K and will continue to decrease the more I edit it. Is that a bad thing if it goes too low? Say to 60K?

Well, if you end up chopping your book in half that probably means your book wasn't that great to begin with. You probably had a lot of extra junk added in because you didn't know for sure where you wanted to go with the book, so while your brain fumbled through ideas, your fingers typed all this extra crap in, thinking it was doing something beneficial. It's okay though. We all do it. And sometimes it takes a long time to figure that out. Me, it took me a year to realize what a mess I'd made of my novel. I had a good idea. One agent said she loved the "potential" of my novel. Which means underneath all those lengthy words I had a seed. But the seed couldn't grow because it was being suffocated by all the weeds (the extra words). Now that I'm "weeding" out those words, I see the beginnings of a flower. And soon I'll have a garden. :-)

September here I come!

September is here at last! I thought for sure I wouldn't have any time for writing now that I'm back to full-time work again, but I've actually been keeping up. I've put myself on a strict schedule:

Work - Gym/Jogging - 1 chapter edited of Flicker - 1 chapter edited of Dawn

Working out def gives me more energy to write. But I'm not actually writing anything new believe it or not. I'm editing two books. One is a novel I wrote a year ago and one is the novel I just recently finished. I'm not "allowed" to start writing anything new until these two novels are polished which could take several months. And I must also edit my short stories for graduate schools.

Usually I can't survive without a "new" project, but I'm doing just fine. I'm actually enjoying the edit process this time, when usually I dread it. I am, however, not looking forward to possibly having to switch one of these novels to 3rd person.

I'm going to miss the warm weather. I want it to stay sunny all year long!

Query Success

Hard work does pay off. Revision after revision after revision. I started querying SEAWEEDS a few weeks ago. Got slammed with 10 rejections in the first week. And today, I came home and boom, an agent (from AN AWESOME AGENCY) wants to read my book.

Holy yay!

To anyone out there who is feeling doubtful, just keep writing. Keep revising. Keep your chin up. Rejections make us who we are. They make us stronger in the end.

I may not get an agent out of this, but at least I know I have a good query and potentially a good book. :-)

Old stuff you thought was crap but actually isn't

Since I'm not writing anything new (for the present) I've decided to revisit all my old novels. Some I haven't touched in years. For example, my first YA book I started writing in early 2009. I queried it, got rejected a bunch, but I did have one agent read the entire book and she told me exactly what I needed to do--work on the beginning, make it more exciting, draw the reader into the vampire world sooner. Plus, the ending was a little corny. Fix that too. Oh, and it wasn't believable that the girl fell in love with the guy so quickly...

I re-read the novel. I edited a few things, took out all the "I love yous" and replaced them with "I care about you." I re-wrote the ending and made it stronger. And now comes the hard part...CHOPPING stuff out. Literally, I've had to cut entire pages of useless crap that makes the beginning sound like a typical teen story (which it isn't at all). My novel was originally 82K. Now it's 75K and I still believe there's stuff from the beginning I could cut out.

Just because it's already been queried, doesn't mean I can't query it again. It's been almost a year since my last rejection for it. And plenty more agents have popped up since then.

I'm glad I'm doing this. I was so in love with the book, the characters, the world I created...now I'm back and I feel at home.

Accomplishments

In terms of accomplishing goals this month, I got off to a rough start. So the last two weeks I've been trying to redeem myself by writing and reading and querying as much as possible. I finished Flicker last night. Final word count-96,000! And probably with edits it'll end up close to 100K. It's the longest book I've ever written. And while I'm proud of it, I'm dreading the LONG LONG editing process ahead of me. Thankfully because I changed the ending, I think it can stay in 1st person. But it'll still need a lot of revising before it's ready for agents. Goal for querying it is January 1, 2011. That gives me four months. I think I can do it.

I also wrote two short stories, mainly because I want to have lots of pieces to chose from when selecting stories for grad school applications. I think they're decent stories. The plots aren't overly complicated or twisted, mainly they're stories about life and relationships. I think if I submit one piece that's focused on plot and one on character it'll show diversity to schools.

I've been sending queries out for Seaweeds every day for almost a week. Five rejections so far. I expected that to happen. But I'm gonna keep on querying. If anything, I'd appreciate feedback. I got agents in the past to read entire books and provide me advice and it was well worth the rejection to know what I need to work on. My mom finished reading Seaweeds last night. She doesn't think it's my best work and says it's bizarre and weird but funny. Good. I'm glad it's funny. I didn't intend for it to be a serious serious novel. I wanted to write an escape book for people who are tired of seriousness and need to take a dip in the ocean.

My other book, To Catch a Rainbow Butterfly, which I still believe to be my best work, was queried and rejected back in May. I'm going through the agents I sent it to, revising my query, and gonna query it again.

I have another novel that I started writing back in college that has a lot of potential but man, oh man, does my writing suck! So I'm thinking I'll rewrite it.

So all in all. Despite achieving a lot these last few weeks, I still have a bucket load of work to do. And full-time work starts again on Thursday, so I'm spending these next two days of freedom working on everything I just blogged about. I love this blog. If I forget what I'm supposed to be doing, I just come back here and read what I wrote.

To everyone and their writing endeavors, good luck and may your fingers be swift and your brains be imaginative and your hearts be full!

in the mud

I wrote a short story. Originally I'd planned to make it into a novel, but I needed another piece for my grad school portfolio. I have too many murder-related short stories. Need to show variety. Maybe later I'll expand it into a novel, but I don't feel the need to just now.

I'm at that point where I really don't know what to do in terms of writing. Seaweeds is being queried. I expect nothing more than a lot of rejections after going through the query process before with 3 other novels. But I do hope for at least a few interested agents who might wanna read partials or fulls. At least to get feedback would be extremely beneficial.

I seriously am like 2,000 words away from finishing Flicker, but is it really publishable? It's all about werewolves, Fae, vampires, and witches. Everything nowadays is about that. I want to stand out. And I'm not sure if Flicker is the stand out book agents will want to grab.

So do I put Flicker on the sideline like I did once before with a novel and move on to a new project? Or do I keep at it until it's done and at least let friends read it. Because there's no harm in that.

Or do I go back and revise and work on some novels that I never took the time to query?

All I know...I can't survive without writing.

I smell you Autumn

September is just around the corner and I haven't been as vigorous with my writing as I'd planned. I was at the beach all last week and didn't write hardly at all. I got swimmer's ear and spent all weekend CRYING because of the pain. I'm just starting to recover.

I queried Seaweeds today. FINALLY! A part of me is super super scared that no one will want to read it. That's what happened with the last novel I queried. My first two books I queried, I got a few agents to read the entire manuscript. With each novel, I expect more not less. I really want to get an agent this time, or at least get agents interested in reading more.

I still need to finish Flicker. I might need to write a new short story for grad school applications. And I have another novel I want to start writing. Lots to do. A week left of summer vacation and then back to full time work. Yikes. I better be productive!

August Goals

So July wasn't as exciting as I hoped it was going to be, but at least I got a lot of writing done.

Seaweeds is just about ready for agents! I still have a few more edits to do. But it's solid. Just gotta make sure the query is top notch. My plan is to spend all of next week reading it as many times as possible to make sure it's error-free. I really like the story. I think agents will either hate or love it. Best I stick to agents who like dark humor and sex.

Flicker is almost done. Two more chapters to write. It will def be over 95K when it's all finished. I was thinking I'd hit 100K, but I'm not. Like I really want to edit that long of a book? I might actually have to re-write the whole thing. I'm not sure if 1st person works, so it may have to translate all over to 3rd person which will take a long long long long time. Is it worth it? I'm not sure...especially when I have another book I want to write.

WIP #3...in synopsis form...dying to be written. I shall start it as soon as Flicker is done and Seaweeds is queried.

Goals for August:
Query Seaweeds
Edit/Revise Flicker
Get to 25k in WIP #3
Write another short story for grad schools (I have two that I really like but they're too much alike)

need a place to go

I need a place to go where I can scream, cry, kick my feet against the ground, curse like a sailor, and throw punches at the wind. Usually I put my anger into my writing, but I'm so worked up right now, I'm unable to do anything but write down exactly what I'm feeling. But quite frankly I don't know what I'm feeling.

I went away for a week. Drove 5 hours to PA and spent most of the time with my grandmother or my cousin. I felt relaxed. I worked on my novels. I ran 4 miles every day. I ate good food. It was a nice escape.

Just got back yesterday and I've never been more on the edge. That escape for a week wasn't enough. And it's made me realized how unsatisfied I am with my life. I feel like I'm going nowhere. While I love writing (it's the only thing I can depend on to make me happy) it's not enough. I want a real job. My own place. A boyfriend, or at least more guy friends. Some of these things require patience. But it's hard when there's people all around you getting everything you want and they don't have to wait. And while it's probably not true for most cases, I feel like some are completely undeserving. And it really ticks me off when people don't appreciate the great things they have.

So in a way, I'm mad at myself for being ungrateful. I know I have talent. I know I'm not ugly. I know I have a family that loves me and some pretty good friends. And I'm employed. I seriously just wish I could be satisfied with what I've got but its near impossible in this crazy world where cell phones and facebook control your social life and make you feel 80 times more disconnected with the world than you already feel. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen. Maybe I'm just being selfish. Spoiled. Ungrateful. But I can't help what I feel.

Everything I wish I could say
And everything I wish I could do
Are locked behind these double lines I’ve created for myself
Been trying to erase it but I used a sharpie pen
So do I white it out or find new places to write on?

The Everchanging World VS the Simple Me

Technology. Love it or hate it, it's never going to stop growing. What we learned last week might be out of date a year from now. A month from now. Tomorrow. Who knows!? Teenagers are obsessed with vampires. In a few years, it may be ghosts and goblins. Have to be in with the latest trends and fashions, technology, gadgets...etc etc etc.

All I can say is: YUCK.

And that I'm thankful this doesn't affect my writing. I write what I want to write, when I want to write it, breaking the rules as I go along, not caring if people are going to be offended or pissed off that I killed off an important character or gave the antagonist a happy ending. It's my fictional world. I can do whatever I want with it. And I don't have to worry about keeping up with technology. Because you can't anymore. If I write a novel and it's published it won't be on the bookshelves for 2 more years. I can't predict what people are going to like in the future and I can't write what's hit right now because it may be out of style in 2 years.

So that means I write what I want to write. Make it unique. Make it funny. Make it something I'll enjoy now and ten years from now.

I think people will always like vampires though.

I wish I could close my eyes and jump into my fictional world. All my characters would love me because I put a piece of myself in each and every one of them. :-)

JULY!

Well, it's July. Yippee! How is writing? Hmmmm let's do an update:

1- WIP #1 still doing edits, friends are reading it, query has been written but needs tweaking, I'm thinking August shall be when it's ready for agents

2- WIP #2 is almost at 60K. love the story. Love my main character. The novel has the potential to be my first 100K book if I continue in the direction I'm going. I have so many ideas for the series and so many characters I want to put in. It's very exciting.

And that's all I'm working on currently. I do have other novels in synopsis form but I'm going to wait until I've queried WIP #1 and finished the first draft of WIP #2 before exploring them.

Summer is the best time of the year for writing. Everything is beautiful and thus everything inspires me.

Summer Reading

Ah, summer is here! And that means more time for reading. I am currently reading CITY OF BONES and love it so much I bought the sequel today. Here is my list of books I will (fingers crossed) have read by September.

City of Bones
City of Ashes
City of Glass - need to buy!
The rest of the Sookie Stackhouse books, I've read the first 5
The Time Traveler's Wife
Gemma
The Reader
Revolutionary Road

And in addition to writing my goal is to have SEAWEEDS edited, revised, queried and ready for agents by the end of summer too. And have a first draft of my WIP. :-)

POV

There are times I love the first person narrative and other times I hate it. 36K into a new novel and I'm debating whether to switch to 3rd person or add a second voice to the narration or keep it as it is. Sometimes I love my character's voice. Like this:

My brain told me to get out of the shower. My heart told me to stay. Which one was closer to my groin?

“Please,” she said. “Just hold me. Hold me like you love me.”

Had she ever been held that way before? Had I?

After releasing a held breath, I looped my arms around her waist; the cold of her belly pressed against my hips. She curled her hands over her chest and leaned into me. She was slouching enough that I was able to rest my chin on the top of her head. This didn’t feel as wrong as it should have felt.

Nice, but then there are sections that are just blah blah. My main character is trying to keep up with everything around him, the many (and there are many!) characters and sub-plots. Can he do it?

Or rather, can I write it?

changes

So, I haven't been able to write much in the last few weeks due to a few changes in my life. I moved back home to my parents' house after being on my own for 10 months. I'm still trying to figure out how I exactly feel about the situation. The first word that comes to mind is relief. I'll be able to save some money this summer and take my time finding my next place to live. I'm not going to rush into anything anymore.

Speaking of rushing...I think it's my biggest problem when it comes to writing. I am a rusher!!!!! I push myself way too hard. The average writer spends at least 6 months on a novel, some spend up to 2 years. I can hammer out a first draft in two months. I get excited by my speed and the product, and of course having everyone I know read it, but it's not benefiting me in the long run. Every time I query a book, I think to myself "This is my best work!" And then months later, when no agent has shown any interest, I think "I wished I'd spend more time editing and revising and tweaking my query." By then I'm on to my next project and thus the cycle starts all over again.

So, my newest novel is about to be given to friends to read. And I've put a limit on myself not to query any agent until August. No matter how perfect I think the book is, I need time to separate myself from it, and revise it later. They'll always be mistakes to fix.

That's it for now. The other change in my life is having a new part time job in fall teaching at a new studio!!! Yay!


So, for

motivation

So I finished writing a novel about a month ago and I've been editing it on and off since. I'm so close to having a semi-solid first draft, but I can't find the motivation to finish editing the last few chapters. The ending is so poorly written and rushed. I can't seem to focus. I get distracted by my other work in process (which is currently at 32K yikes) and other ideas I have for future projects. I seriously think I need summer so I can focus, relax, and get things done. I'd like to start querying this book by July, but at the rate I'm going, I don't see it happening, unless I want to query a poorly edited book. I still also need to get people to read the draft. I feel like people will either hate it or love it. It's not my typical style. It doesn't have enormous amounts of violence and my main character is a guy. But when I tell people the plot, they seemed very interested and can follow it without asking a billion questions like I've had happen with previous books. It's straight forward. But is it me? Maybe that's why I can't seem to edit it. It's not personal enough. Eh.

too many ideas! too many projects! but a-okay!

So check this out. This is my writing life as of today:
1- Book #1 is being queried to agents/publishers
2- Book #2 is being edited/revised, soon to be given to friends/family to read
3- Book #3 is almost at 30K...it's so much fun to write, I'm addicted
4- Book #4 is in my head, synopsis on paper, and may be something I actually start to write very soon, it's a middle-school level book, 40K is the goal so it shouldn't take too long to write

Then of course, there's the short stories I'm entering into writing contests and a few finished books I want to go back and revise.

WOW. Am I trying to commit writer's suicide or what?

Write until your fingers bleed, then write some more!

my favorite binder

So I have this 3-ring binder. It's yellow. It's cheap. And it holds every single rejection letter I've gotten for writing whether it be from a publishing company, an agency, or a grad school. Every few weeks I add new letters. It's sad to think I might run out of room someday and have to buy a bigger one. But my imagination leads me to believe that one day I'll be sitting next to Oprah with that binder on my lap. And I'll show it to the world.

I've only been pursuing writing seriously for two years. I've grown so much. It's shocking when I read stuff from two years ago and think "Yuck! What was I think putting in all those exclamation marks?" Two years from now, I'll read the stuff I'm writing right now and probably think the same thing. So if that's the case, am I really ready to see my novels on the bookshelves of Barnes&Nobles and Borders? Maybe not. Maybe I'm not ready to be published. Maybe I'm not good enough yet.

But I will be someday. Because I'll never give up.

In the meantime, I'd be nice to have a literary agent at least ask for more sample pages. At least.

Deadlines

We all hate deadlines, but if they weren't there, we wouldn't be as productive. For example, I have to have a full-length play in 2nd draft form by next Monday. So far, I've done about 2 scenes with about 8 more to go. Plays aren't my favorite things to write anymore, so it's hard to stay focused. So what have I been doing? Rewarding myself! Every hour I work on the play, I get to work an hour on my novel. I'll be productive, but at the same time I won't get away from what needs to be done. I have lots of projects I'm working on right now:

1- Editing Seaweeds (goal-May 1st)
2- Finish querying To Catch a Rainbow Butterfly (a few more agents to go...now if only the rest would reply!!!)
3- Submit my three short stories to writing competitions (and tweak them up a bit before sending)
4- Finish editing my play (deadline-May 3rd)
5- Continue working on my newest novel, which may be my favorite (because I'm putting everything I love into, versus high depth emotion/feelings)

Will it all be done when I want it to be done? Hmmmm...I dunno. Hopefully!

the importance of reading

I love to read.

As a writer, I find it crucial to read as many words as I write, if not more!

I just finished "Silver Borne" the 5th book in the Mercy Thompson series. I absolutely loved it. Mercy is an awesome heroine. Though the ending wasn't as fight-oriented as usual, the emotions/stakes were much higher this time. I recommend the series to anyone who enjoys vampires, werewolves, witches, fairies, etc. It's by Patricia Briggs. She has tons of other books too.

The only bad part about finishing the book is I have to wait a whole YEAR for the next one to come out. How will I survive? Well, I have other books to read. And books to write! I find that reading good fiction in my genre (which is fantasy) spurs me to write more. Though I didn't write anything more than this blog tonight, I know tomorrow I'll be pumped to get down 3,000 words of my next novel. I did a lot of editing this week. I'm ready to write fresh material.

PS, there's a lot of short story competition deadlines coming up in the next month or so. I have two short stories ready, but I'd like to get some more ready. I wrote a short story a few nights ago about suicide. It was very hard to write because I feel sad when people die, and even more sad when they could have been saved. Anyway, I'm letting it sit before editing.

The weekend is near! I feel like despite having major disappointments thrown at me (grad school rejections, boy rejections, housing issues, headaches during the middle of the day issues) I'm doing alright. If life shoots you with arrows, shoot back with fire. I got plenty of fire.

Progress/Goals

I thought after spring break I wouldn't have the time/energy to write as much, but it's been quite the opposite. I've been very productive. Since my last posting, I've written a short story, edited 3 chapters in my novel, edited another short story, and started brainstorming my next novel (which will be about life/death again but for YA). I'm super excited to start on the novel, but I got a dozen other projects to take care of first. I find the more stuff I have on my list, the more productive I am. I also feel more creative. If I don't feel in the mood to write, I'll edit. If I'm not in the mood to edit, I'll write. If I'm not in the mood for either, I'll brainstorm ideas for other projects. One of my favorite writing activities involves looking up names and their meanings. So much fun! Names are so important. Make sure you love (not like) the name. Especially for your main character.

:-) Happy Tuesday!

Goal of the week- finish editing novel!

After-Editing-Enlightened Phase

You know how you can tell when you've written something worthwhile? After you've done a billion edits and it's near-perfect, you usually think to yourself: Yay! I've finished, now I get to start on something else.

But sometimes you don't think that.

Instead you think: Oh, I'm really going to miss that character.

You want to go back and relive the excitement you felt when you wrote your first draft. You want to somehow turn that short story into a novel so you can play with characters and cause additional chaos to their once-normal lives. You wish so-and-so hadn't been killed, so they could come back in a sequel. You mourn them like they're real people.

And that's when you know you've written something worthwhile.

So, the question of the evening is...if you love a story so much (short stories as example) is it alright to go back and continue it? What if it's perfect as a stand-alone piece? But you're still aching to write more. Do short stories series work? What about a prelude?

Or is it better just to take the spirit of that story and put it into your next story/novel?

Right now, I'm having problems letting go of a recent short story I wrote. I love it so much, I can't stop thinking about when I work on other stuff.

The connection

Do people draw a blank when they look at you? Do people really know you? How can you tell? How can you tell what's real and what's not? When they smile, is it genuine or are they really screaming inside?

When reading a book, especially one that's in 1st person, you know exactly what's real and what's not (or at least you think you do). The way a character flinches his eyes, or turns his head, or feels extra blood pumping to his cheeks in embarrassment...we read that, we connect with that, and we wonder why we don't always notice those things in real life. Are we not paying attention? When people talk to us, are we really listening?

Do you ever have so much on your mind, that when you read a book, you're basically skimming through the pages until something exciting happens. For all you know, you could have skimmed over vital details to why that character thinks/feels/acts the way he does. In life, if you skim over someone and just look for the "cool" things, you may find yourself not knowing them, not understanding them when they're upset or in a funk or crying.

If I could relate to my characters the way I relate to everyone in life, I think I'd be a stronger writer and a stronger person. I'd know people, I'd relate better. I'd understand them. My mind would open.

Make the connection.

Passion

Ever read a "How to Be a Writer" type of book? I've read a few this year. Common lessons- avoid adverbs, widen your vocabulary, use the exclamation point sparingly, and only use the 1st person narrative if the main character has a distinctive voice. And...in order to BE a writer, you must have passion.

That's the best piece of advice out there. You must have passion and if you don't, find another career. A writer will not stop writing. Just like a drug addict can't stop doing drugs. Seriously, it would take more than an intervention to stop me from writing. You'd have to kill me first. But please don't. Not until I'm published. ;-)

I could write more about this, but I'm so ready to work on my newest novel "SNOW FLOWER" that I'm cutting this blog short. Adios!

Things that irriate me but could be ideas for short stories/novels

1- When restaurant managers interrupt your meal to ask you how everything was
2- When grocery store cashiers say nothing to you, and you feel awkward saying thank you when you leave
3- When hotels won't let you book with them unless you stay 2 or more nights
4- When movie ticket prices go up
5- When my hamster cage smells after I just cleaned it
6- When your purse is so crammed, you can't even get your wallet and people stare at you funny
7- When people tap their feet during a movie
8- When stores advertise a great deal but you have to buy something else to get that great deal, so then it becomes a good deal or an okay deal and you're stuck with a product you don't want
9- When it rains during your jog
10- When children cry when you're waiting in line for a prescription

That's all I can think of for now. But I'm thinking if I can combine a few of these things, I'd like to make a short story called "FML."

Patience

"Be patient."
"But Mom, I want it now! Why can't I have it now?"
"Because you have to learn to be patient."

Does this exchange of words look familiar? Many not word-for-word the same, but you've heard it a million times throughout your life, especially during the early stages of childhood.

The last sentence is the tricky one. You have to LEARN to be patient. Patience cannot be taught. Parents can say it a thousand times over, you'll never grasp it, even when you're an adult.

Why the sudden need to talk about patience?

I've been thinking about all the things I want in life. And how long I'm willing to wait for them. I hear dozens of girls say, "If I'm not engaged by the time I'm thirty, I'm never going to have kids." While I'm not among those girls, there are things in life I'm not willing to wait for. There are things in life I AM willing to wait for. And then there are things I'm not entirely sure whether it's worth it to wait for.

Grad school, for example. This is the second year I've been rejected. I still have a little hope for a few schools who have yet to reply, but overall, I'm pretty sure I'm not going. How do I feel about that? Pretty crappy. I cried a lot yesterday. But despite all the drinks and the rum (just a glass), I managed to edit my short story, write a song on my guitar, and write 500 more words in Seaweeds. I was able to continue my passion without an acceptance letter to grad school. So does that mean I'm going to re-apply next year? Maybe. Am I going to put my life on hold in the meantime? No. Will I continue to write, query, and get rejected from agents? YES. YES. AND YES.

Rejection is a big ingredient to patience. We're rejected before we're accepted. And sometimes it takes a long time to be accepted. Look at love. How many guys break your heart or flat out ignore you? How many years do you spend single (but hopefully independent and strong) before the right guy comes and sweeps you off your feet? Maybe you'll be 31 when it happens. Maybe you'll be 23. The thing is, you don't know. It's a mystery. And from a writer's perspective, any good piece of fiction will have a little mystery.

Life needs to be mysterious, otherwise it isn't exciting. Years from now when I look back on my life, I don't want to think "Oh, my life was so boring, meaningless, no one accepted me." I want to think, "Wow, I put myself out there and got beat up. I worked my ass off and it's paid off." Paid off, how? I don't know. Maybe I'll be married. Maybe I'll have four awesome kids. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be a published author. Maybe I'll be a famous cookie-maker. Or maybe, I'll be a paraeducator who makes just enough to afford rent and lattes, and has a hamster. BUT I'll never stop writing. No rejection letter can stop that. That's the one beauty of writing. Only you can decide when the story ends.

Enjoy the journey, not the the downfalls.

And appreciate the tears. In order for life to grow, it has to rain.

April Fools Day

April Fools Day is either your favorite day of the year or the day that pisses you off the most.

Usually, I dig at the chance to play a joke on someone without it back firing on me. I haven't done such a good job, but at least I have a new idea for a short story. An April Fools joke that leads a girl to slaughter everyone in Starbucks. It'll start with the girl killing everyone, followed by the police trying to figure out why she did it, and then comes the truth...! I don't know what the joke will be yet. Maybe something to do with her not making it into grad school, but really she did.

Shorts Stories vs Novels

I've decided to become a blogger. This time I'm going to commit. No more meaningless posts or sappy poems. I'll try to post at least a million times a week, maybe more when there's a holiday.

Topic of the evening- Short Stories vs Novels

For the longest time I've been a devout novelist. Writing a novel is rewarding, but man oh man does it consume your life! You spend months working on the 1st draft and when you finally finish, you stare at it and think "Holy mother of cow, I have so much editing to do!" You want people to read your book, but you're terrified they'll think it's a jumbled mess of overused adverbs, exclamation points, and that word "LOOK" that sneaks in to every paragraph.

So you spend countless hours editing, revising, expanding, condensing, then editing, revising, expanding, condensing, then editing, revising, expanding, condensing. You drink lots of lattes and stay up past your bedtime, debating whether to call out sick so you can work on the book tomorrow. (Note-I've only done that once and my throat was a little sore)

Sometimes you change the font of your book so it looks new and refreshing. Sometimes you print hard copies and edit with a pen, the old fashion way. Whatever it takes, the book must be perfect!

And then finally, people start to read your book. It's going to take them awhile to finish, but then again, if your book is truly amazing, your friends won't be able to put it down. They'll call out sick to finish it!

Then comes the constructive criticism. For the most part, I enjoy this part of the process. I get excited when people talk about my characters like they're real people. It makes me feel special, almost popular, like I'm important. Oh, high school.

5 more revisions later, you write the query letter. EVIL, EVIL, EVIL query letter that makes you want to kill somebody just thinking about how EVIL it is. How, how, how can I summarize my 80,000 word masterpiece into a paragraph?

Somehow you get the query done and polished and thus you begin to query agents. You choose the best agents first. Maybe query 1 a day for the first week. All rejections. Or, they don't reply. No big deal! I'll just query more. AND more. And more.

Then reality sinks in. A year has passed since your hands typed the first sentence of the novel that was supposed to change your life. When you wrote it, you imagined your book being read by people all across the world. You chose the actors and actresses that would play your characters when your book became a movie. You fantasized quitting your day job and working as a full time author with a dog and an apartment you could afford on your own.

But that book you slaved over has gotten you nowhere. Sure, you've gotten praise from the 6 or 7 people that took the time to read it, but you need an agent to praise your book and sign you a deal. You need to be published. But most importantly, you need to keep writing. Ideas are still spilling, like a leaky faucet that can't be fixed.

So what do you do?

You write another novel.

OR.

You write a short story.

Now, there's an idea! A short story! 2,000 to 10,000 words! WOW! That sounds much less time consuming than 80,000 words of possible shit! And think how easy it will be to edit! And think how many people will want to read it knowing how short it is! AND! (Drum roll please and I do apologize for the overuse of exclamation points in this blog) And...you don't need an agent to see your work published.

It's true. There are short story competitions and magazines looking for new works everywhere. The only downfall is you sometimes have to pay an entry fee, but it's never more than $20 and I've spent way more money on stamps, paper, and ink querying agents who never reply or reply with the standard "I'm sorry but this isn't for us."

If your short story is published, you get money. Wow! Money? I never thought in a million years someone would pay me for being creative. And, you have something impressive to put in your query the next time you write a novel.

So, this is my dilemma. I've written 5 novels since graduating from college. On average, that's 2.5 novels a year. 5 novels X 80,000-word average = 400,000 words of unpublished material lounging in my C drive. I have another novel in the works, not even 10,000 words left to write, but I don't know if I have the drive to finish it, let alone deal with the editing process. I'm thinking I ought to just move on to another novel. I have plenty of ideas.

Ideas that can be shrunken down to suit a short story.

What are your thoughts? (I realize now I'm talking to two people. I need to find more people to read my blog.)

Short stories or novels?