Back on Track

Life is challenging. But writing has always come easy for me. If I'm in the zone, I can easily write 5,000 words in a day, edit for hours only getting up to pee and eat cereal, compose a full-length song on my guitar in minutes...speed and endurance are my writing strengths. I go go go. I don't stop.

But I did stop. October hit. The writing stopped. The editing stopped. The singing stopped. Life continued. I partied hard. I think I lost my mind at one point, but it's November again and I'm back on track.

Initially I thought I'd be writing a new novel for NANO, but alas I went with what my heart wanted and that was to finish my revisions to my dearest novel, WALKING OFF PLUTO. While I know this novel isn't my most creative manuscript or most exciting, it's the most honest thing I've ever written. I've been at war with the novel, battling other's opinions of it, battling what I think it ought to be vs what my readers will want it to be. And the conclusion is...

It is what it is.

It's about life. Life isn't always exciting. Life isn't always fair. Life isn't always happy. Life sucks sometimes. But for some reason when we read we don't want to hear about life sucking too much for any one particular person. We want excitement. We want an escape from reality. We want to go somewhere we've never been before. We want so much. But do we get everything we want in life? Hell no. That one person you love may hurt you over and over again, and you let them because you'd rather hurt than not feel them at all. You push mountains for them and even though those mountains never budge, you feel stronger for awhile and then you crumble. But alas you get up again and try climbing the mountain, only to fall. You get bruises. You get screwed over a lot by life and love especially. You don't always get what you want. You'll be rejected more times than you're accepted. But you'll charish the acceptances. You'll savour the good times. You'll be okay.

So hopefully an agent will read my manuscript and say, "Finally! A novel that doesn't glamourize teenage love but shows the flings and arrows of life in its lowest moments." Life isn't a movie. Life is harder. Which is probably why this novel is so hard to edit.

Speed is my enemy with this novel. I've had to be patient. I've had to take weeks off from even opening the file to do the necessary revisions. But I've done them. I am happy with them.

And now what? Do I query right away?

No. I'm going to take another little vacation, do another round of edits, let some co-workers read the manuscript, and maybe then I'll query. That will prove my endurance--my stamina to be patient. And in the meantime I can work on something else.

I don't want to start on a new novel. I have so many novels that beg for edits, beg to be finished, beg to be noticed, so I'll give them the attention they deserve.

On a side note, sometimes people who never say anything, say a lot.

Wandering

I've been really bad about updating my blog and keeping up with other people's blogs. I used to update, comment, and read blogs almost every day, and now it's become a once a week, once a month sort of thing. I guess I could blame summer. I've been really distracted by the weather, my exercising/dieting, my fun nights out with friends, traveling, playing my guitar...

Writing wise...I actually haven't written much this summer. I spent so much time editing and revising WALKING OFF PLUTO that I really can't concentrate on anything new right now. I queried a few agencies and already I've gotten a request! So exciting! The waiting process is torture, but I'm okay with it. I've been rejected before so it won't be a blow if I am. And if I'm accepted, well, holy potatoes! I'll be the happiest writer in the universe.

I feel really proud of my novel. It's different from the last 4 books I've queried. It's not fantasy. It's real life drama. I put a lot of myself into the characters. Their struggles and tears are my struggles and tears. I want them to continue to grow and flourish, which is why I've decided to continue the story with book 2: WANDERING AROUND NEPTUNE.

Why the title? Because right now, I'm wandering. I feel like I'm floating above my flip-flops, not really connecting to gravity, not really set on anything, just sort of enjoying life and not over-worrying about things. Consequences are no longer a concern. I'm young. I'm alive. And I just want to be free. I'm living life on impulse, something I haven't been doing. I've been too damn worried about "What if" and worried about feeling guilty and worried about upsetting people. But life is what you make of it.

So with this new novel, my characters are going to wander, going to live a little recklessly, going to make some huge mistakes, going to fall in and out of love, in and out of lust, in and out of their dreams and what they thought was right...and in the end some will mature, some will stay the same, and some will go backwards. Bottom line, growing up goes slow. No point in rushing it. Hmmm....might have to call the third book RUSHING THE MILKWAY and then the fourth book can be SETTLING WITH THE STARS. Or something, haha. I don't know. We'll see where my mind takes me. :-)

1st person

I'm curious...what's everyone's opinion on 1st person where the narrator talks more about feelings/thoughts/memories rather than what's actually happening?

I'm writing a new novel and usually I describe things as they happen in great detail, but through my protagonist's voice I'm finding that I'm bypassing a lot of descriptions. Like when she enters a house, instead of describing it, she picks out one thing that reminds her of something else, something deeper, a memory perhaps. Do you like this? Or would you prefer to know more about your setting? They say sometimes less is more, more for the imagination to fill.

Like here's an example of that house to memory thing:

I rest my bleeding foot on top of my non-bleeding foot and wait for Lucinda. I can’t help but marvel at the circular stairwell that seems to go on forever, reminding me of a tower. I imagine someone at the way top, leaning over the banister, shouting for help, wanting to be rescued. I think about my sister, helpless and lost. If her mind is “lost” according to one doctor’s analysis, I can’t fathom where she’d be.

Summer

Summer is here. I should be celebrating. Jumping up and down. Dancing. Running. But alas I have a bummed ankle and cardio is not my friend at the moment. If that's the case, I should be writing and editing, right? I am, but not a lot. I'm so restless. I feel out of touch with myself. I said I'd use summer as a chance to rediscover myself, but the only thing I'm discovering is my inability to relax. My novel says it all...

She sips the hot chocolate and feels her insides start to melt. She doesn’t like the sensation; when her emotions grow beyond a state of calm she feels miles from her skin, out of control and intolerable. It's like looking through a mirror and seeing a stranger that reminds you of everything you’ve lost.

I'm revising/editing Pluto yet again. I've sent it to friends/family to read, but haven't heard back from anyone yet so I'm doing another round of scrutinizing. This time I'm noticing how much of myself and my life I've put into the characters. Things I've said to people, things they've said to me, experiences, the good the bad and the ugly. It's my most personal novel yet and I want it to be polished to the extreme before I query it. I'm being patient this time. The agents aren't going to vanish over night and it's not like I have to worry about my novel not being in style a few months from now because it's a romance and romance always has a hungry audience.

My main concern with my novel is the fact that I have teenagers having sex by chapter 2 and they barely know each other. My mom's initial reply was: "Who has sex with a stranger in a hospital?" And of course, she criticized my female lead as being slutty and bitchy, ignoring the fact that the girl's dad is dying, she's tramatized by her past, and she has social problems galore. Yes having sex with a stranger in a hospital is an extreme choice, but in the world of fictional writing anything is possible so long as you can support it with honesty. People do crazy things when they're emotionally upset. And as a writer I push my characters to follow their impulses because it creates conflict/change. I wish I would follow more of my impulses in life.

I like YA. I appreciate YA that has real young adults in it. Real young adults make mistakes. LOTS of mistakes. For fiction, the bigger the better. So I'm thinking YES, I should keep the sex scene. I don't even describe it. It's a .... ending. I just have to make sure the built up to it is honest and the "need" is genuine.

Maybe I ought to visit someone in the hospital. A complete stranger and see what happens.

Goals, Life, Updates, I Heart Thor

I have been neglecting my blog duties for quite some time. I know when summer hits I'll be posting every day and commenting on all my favorite blogs, but I could do better now. I've just been so busy!

My weekdays have revolved around this schedule:
5:55 Wake Up
6:30 Go to work
7:15 Arrive at Work
3:00 Leave work
3:30-5:00 Work out at the gym
5:00-6:00 Dinner/chill time
6:00-8:00 Edit novels/read old stuff/organize life
8:00-9:00 Eat popsicles and read a book
9:00 Sleep

It's actually a great schedule and I've been following it religiously. My diet is going great and I'm actually losing more weight since I've increased my calories. Total weight lost- 19 pounds in 10 weeks. I feel awesome. I look awesome. Check plus for health and body.

Check plus for finally finishing the edits and revisions to WALKING OFF PLUTO. I've given copies to a few of my friends and look forward to their feedback. While I wait for their critiques, I'm gonna work on my query letter and make up a list of agents I want to send my query to. This is the first non-fantasy book that I'm querying, so I'll actually be able to query a lot more agencies than before. I really have faith in this book. I know it's a good book because it's honest. In order for a novel to be believable you have to write based on what you know, what you think, and what you truly believe in. And everything my characters go through are similiar issues I have dealt with. I feel like I have grown as a person by battling through these problems with my young heroine.

I've also been re-reading and starting to revise some old novels that got put on the back shelf. I wrote a vampire/werewolf novel about two years ago. I queried it and actually got a few agents to read the entire novel. But alas, the main problem was my super slow beginning. So I've been chopping words, scenes, and entire chapters in order to pick up the pace.

There's also my dear NANO novel that is shy of 5,000 words. I MUST FINISH IT!

And there's another novel I wrote last summer that is YA Fantasy and only 96,000 words. Need to edit.

So I have 3 novels to work on while I wait for PLUTO feedback. Though I have a dozen ideas for new novels, I'm not composing any new works until all old projects are edited, revised, read, and queried. I can't keep writing these novels and forgetting about them all because I have a zeal to write more. My library of completed works is overflowing. I must concentrate on what's good, what needs work, what's sellable, etc.

PS. I HEART THOR TIMES A MILLION.

May 1st!

Did I fulfill my April goals?
Not all of them...in fact, as of this moment none of them are fully fulfilled. By May 1st I was supposed to have edited my novel so people can read it (as of now I still have 4 more chapters to disect), edited my play (it is edited and the edits are due tomorrow, but I'm rereading it for grammatical errors), and finished my Nano novel (I never even looked at it this month). So...now I must revise my May goals.

May goals:
1- Finish edits to novel and give to friends/family to read for feedback.
2- Work on query letter and come up with a list of potential agents to query
3- Finish NANO novel!

I should be able to get through that list. I should. I should.

a much needed post

Shame on me for not updating my blog!

There's so much to write about and I'm awfully tired after dogsitting Gus, aka a clone of "Marley." Tomorrow I journey to PA to visit family and celebrate Easter. I'm not Catholic so I always feel a tad out of place at church. Actually, I feel very out of place.

Life has been kind of crazy, so I'll just make a list of it:

1- I got rejected from all my grad schools. I cried a lot about it. But I realized that I don't need grad school to become a great writer. I just need my laptop, motivation, and plenty of stamina. And of course, creativity, but I was born with that. :-)

2- I've lost a lot of weigh. 13 pounds in 6 weeks. Most of my clothes don't fit me anymore and I'm getting lots of compliments so that's always a confidence boost.

3- I have beach plans for memorial day weekend. Camps to teach this summer. A possible roommate for the fall. All good things.

4- I am almost done editing my play. And my novel is almost ready for people to read. I'm taking my time with the edits. I have no desire to start any new projects until old projects are taken care of. Usually I can't wait to start on a new project, but I'm really proud and attached to my current projects, so I'm nursing them a little extra.

5- I'm reading. Book reviews of HUSH HUSH, THE BOY WITH THE STRIPPED PAJAMAS, and SILVER BORNE shall be posted shortly.

6- I can run again! 6 miles in an hour!

Yeah, so that's life.

Now how am I feeling? A mixture of many things. When I was younger, I used to post lyrics on my facebook to summarize my feelings. If I had to pick any lyrics to match my feelings right now it'd have to be good old Jar of Hearts.

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret

But if I'm strong, I'll be stepping towards a better me and a better tomorrow.