Patience

"Be patient."
"But Mom, I want it now! Why can't I have it now?"
"Because you have to learn to be patient."

Does this exchange of words look familiar? Many not word-for-word the same, but you've heard it a million times throughout your life, especially during the early stages of childhood.

The last sentence is the tricky one. You have to LEARN to be patient. Patience cannot be taught. Parents can say it a thousand times over, you'll never grasp it, even when you're an adult.

Why the sudden need to talk about patience?

I've been thinking about all the things I want in life. And how long I'm willing to wait for them. I hear dozens of girls say, "If I'm not engaged by the time I'm thirty, I'm never going to have kids." While I'm not among those girls, there are things in life I'm not willing to wait for. There are things in life I AM willing to wait for. And then there are things I'm not entirely sure whether it's worth it to wait for.

Grad school, for example. This is the second year I've been rejected. I still have a little hope for a few schools who have yet to reply, but overall, I'm pretty sure I'm not going. How do I feel about that? Pretty crappy. I cried a lot yesterday. But despite all the drinks and the rum (just a glass), I managed to edit my short story, write a song on my guitar, and write 500 more words in Seaweeds. I was able to continue my passion without an acceptance letter to grad school. So does that mean I'm going to re-apply next year? Maybe. Am I going to put my life on hold in the meantime? No. Will I continue to write, query, and get rejected from agents? YES. YES. AND YES.

Rejection is a big ingredient to patience. We're rejected before we're accepted. And sometimes it takes a long time to be accepted. Look at love. How many guys break your heart or flat out ignore you? How many years do you spend single (but hopefully independent and strong) before the right guy comes and sweeps you off your feet? Maybe you'll be 31 when it happens. Maybe you'll be 23. The thing is, you don't know. It's a mystery. And from a writer's perspective, any good piece of fiction will have a little mystery.

Life needs to be mysterious, otherwise it isn't exciting. Years from now when I look back on my life, I don't want to think "Oh, my life was so boring, meaningless, no one accepted me." I want to think, "Wow, I put myself out there and got beat up. I worked my ass off and it's paid off." Paid off, how? I don't know. Maybe I'll be married. Maybe I'll have four awesome kids. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be a published author. Maybe I'll be a famous cookie-maker. Or maybe, I'll be a paraeducator who makes just enough to afford rent and lattes, and has a hamster. BUT I'll never stop writing. No rejection letter can stop that. That's the one beauty of writing. Only you can decide when the story ends.

Enjoy the journey, not the the downfalls.

And appreciate the tears. In order for life to grow, it has to rain.